You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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