can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
