I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
