I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize