If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My vagina is officially offended.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
