Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize