let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
