sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
