Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Randomize
