Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
