Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
