I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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