i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
