Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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