Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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