bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize