you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
