I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
