Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Enjoy the penises
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
