11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would ride that face into the sunset
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
