fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
