hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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