I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Drake has all the answers
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
