i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
