If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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