I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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