dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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