Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
