Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
