cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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