we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize