is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want a musical about memes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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