My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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