I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
