College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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