I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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