So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
