Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
