I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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