You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
