Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
