I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize