Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
