I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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