did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
