Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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