I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
