idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
