Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
two words: eviction party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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