I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My vagina is officially offended.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
