so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
