Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
