Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
