please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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