your thong is hanging out like whoa
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
