Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
