put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
