My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize