oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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