After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
