You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
