So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
