I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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