it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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