It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i've created a new STD.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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