I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i drank out of a bidet.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
