In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
