Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
