Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
