I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
