I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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