His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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