Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
