New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
