Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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