I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
