i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
