Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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