i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
