I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
