that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wear drunk well.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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