Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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