you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize