KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
