Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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