Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
