Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
