I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize