Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
