that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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