I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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