He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize