never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
